Recently my best friend for many years and I got in an argument. I started yelling and he said “Don’t talk to me like you talk to your mom” then he also said “I don’t think we’re best friends anymore, we’re growing apart” It killed me, Imagine your BEST FRIEND telling you this, anyway I sent him this email today, what do you think…
My shoulders hold the pressure like the bottom of the ocean, it weighs too much on my emotion, It’s like I’m paralyzed, I don’t want to move I’m hypnotized, I try to fight it but it pushes and squeezes tears out of my eyes, I just hide it no one knows, sees or could realize, I’m sick of everybody and every thing, don’t want to think about what tomorrow will bring, cause it’ll just be more bullshit, 14 years now my moms been sick, there’s strains on every one of my relationships, so now where does this lead me, to my best friend tells me were not best friends anymore it kills me inside believe me, before you judge me please hear me out, I hold this shit in but now the truth I shall shout, I am not perfect there is no doubt, sometimes I speak harshly even to my own mom, It is something that I am not fond, but you must understand we have a bond, so what you see and hear it goes far beyond, for we hold an ocean you just see a pond, Imagine your mom waking you up at 4 in the morning hardly breathing, gasping and wheezing, my heart starts pounding, but I have to stay calm, if my composure dies then so does my mom, cause you see the more relaxed she is, the easier to breathe, inside i’m scared to death with shakin knees, But on the outside I’m collected so that’s what she sees, outside is calm, place her hand in my palm, inside I’m thinkin where the hell is the ambulance, holding the panic in is like stopping an avalanche, I wish you could have been there with me at least one of those nights, helplessly watching as my mom struggles and fights, just for air, it’s just not fair, within a year my parents got divorced, my dad moved away, my brother went into the Navy, me and my mom stayed, then she got sick, and I got scared, it happened so quick, my life started to end then and there, what once was an average family of four, became just me and her bedridden and poor, from gt’s and tv’s, to foodstamps and welfare, from Ice cream and popsicles, to regular ambulance rides to hospitals, from glad with mom and dad, to home and all alone, It finally got so bad, we were not gonna make it, we had to move close to family, we just couldn’t take it, so we sold our car, packed a uhaul and hit the road, Imagine moving across the country at only 16 years old, my friends and I huddled and cried, that day another small part of me died, music was what got me through the dark nights, someone stole my whole book of cd’s out of the cab of the uhaul that night, the bad thing is that it was one of my “friends”, what a goodbye, way to make amends, homeless and broke, friendless no joke, not even music to help me cope, but I did have my mom, a radio and the open road, a truck and us two bearing a heavy load, we had to use most of the money to get a room in Flagstaff, ’cause her asthma acted up that fast, she barely got through it and we were ok, then we got a flat tire the very next day, staying at random relatives houses on the way, we were gonna make it no matter what you do or say, we arrived in Indiana December 2007, the groud blanketed with snow it looked like heaven, we stayed at relatives houses ’til we got on our feet, I started a new school alone consumed with defeat, I went to a school where no one knew me, everyone seemed to look right through me, then I finally met a good group of friends, they helped more then they’ll ever know in the end, helped to ease some of the depression, it meant the world they made an impression, mom was still sick and takin new meds, they made her hallucinate and messed with her head, so now I get wakened not only by lack of breathing, but also by her running in my room screaming, through all this shit I always made it to school the next day, my eyes drooping, so tired, head starting to sway, but I had new friends to help me find a way, gave me a reason to be, a reason to breathe, so i guess what I am trying to express is don’t look at me and just see what you see, cause you didn’t walk in my shoes, you never drove down my highway, I have no excuse for what I choose, I just do it my way, cause I’ve been all alone since I was 13, you could never know of the hurting, the many nights that I hid and I cried, the nights that the kid in me died, cause I was forced to grow up too quick, get so depressed that I throw up so sick, so before you rush to judge me or my mother, open your eyes get out from under the cover, and if you happen to tell your best friend they’re not, understand that you may be all they got, anyway that is ALL TRUE, if you know me you know I would not lie to you, so don’t ever question any thing with me and my mom, that’s how we are and you are so wrong, and if you aren’t my best friend then I guess it’s so long.
Sell House Quick
