my 25 year old daughter’s dating a 39 year old jailbird. She has a good job, a flat, mortgage etc. Help?
Just before Christmas, stress at work, long hours and ?vodka and Red Bull, and cannabis gave her a short psychotic breakdown (muddled thinking, delusional ideas etc.), during which she conceived a passionate love for a man she met at her local pub. He has 2 children by a former wife, lives with his parents, has been in jail twice, is shorter than her, is (according to my other daughter) remarkably unattractive, and has an IQ approximately equal to his shoe size. But to be fair he seems amiable enough.
She seems now mentally OK again, and is off her medication (too early say her doctors). Her infatuation survives - possibly because he was ‘there for her’ during her recent episode. Living alone maybe she’s lonely? She has low self-esteem.
All her friends say he is not the sort of guy she normally goes for. Most have remarked that they feel uncomfortable around him, as do I. I believe the attachment is a remnant of the psychosis, and that she is storing trouble for the future.
What am I asking? Is there any way I can improve the situation?
What was he in jail for? Apparently a) Throwing his former wife’s lover downstairs and b) possession of a knife.
Repossession
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Tagged with: Good Job • Low Self Esteem • Medication
Filed under: flat mortgage
Give her phone number out to other men
just trust your daughter that shes making the right decision
Some ladies like those type of men. She feels she deserves them. I wish them the best. (Note: Some people go to jail then after they get out they do fine in life)
get her involve with her church
You can’t do anything to change this situation, so butt out.
Invite this guy over, have him for dinner and constantly try to keep him around for a movie, or family events, etc. - act like you adore him. Soon after, she will run from him - hopefully!! I know it would have worked for me! Sorry if this sounds trivial compared to her troubles, but maybe if you keep it simple, it will work.
i agree with you. you should see if you can get her into councelling again. she can also be only friendly with him.
i know this is wrong to do but try to talk some sense in to her about them breaking up. he can be put in jail. the age should be a 5 yr difference and there`s is about 15 yrs apart……… not good especailly if he was a jailbird
It is a good thing its all out in the open, you know where he is coming from.
goodness got a handfull
is this 39 year jailbird seem like a nice guy?
what’d he do to deserve to be in jail?
you may want to consider talking to your daughter about this
man………..14 years differance, i probably wouldnt date a man that older than me, but if shes that in love with him, thats her decision…
Hopefully some day soon she wakes up and smells the roses and gives him the boot….
She is making a bad decison but there is really nothing you can do to stop a 25 year old. She is going to have to realize on her own before its too late and he has gotten her into any trouble. A low self esteem does cause women to date men who are unworthy- do you know why her self esteem is low? The only thing I can think of is to help her get over some fo the things that causes her to feel bad about her self!!!! GL… I really hope everything is okay! ( She needs her meds!!!)
How about an intervention with her family and friends!!!???
Well…..since she is quite of age. What has she said to YOU about him? That matters.
And what does height have to do with it? lol
You obviously sound protective of your daughter. I would take her to lunch and LAUGH and talk with her. Tell her how much you LOVE her and that you just want the best for her. Ask her how she feels…….then…..TRUST her.
I hate to tell you this, but your daughter is an adult, and if she wants to spend her time with this loser, that’s her choice. There is likely nothing that you can say to her at this point that will change her mind, and it will likely only damage your relationship with her.
All you can do now is support her in her efforts to get better mentally. Hopefully she will see the guy for who he is and send him packing. But she is the only one that can make that decision.
She needs to be directed back to counseling, and possibly back on her medication. You obviously aren’t going to be able to talk any sense to her - especially if she thinks she’s in love with someone in jail for a violent crime.
This just reinforces my own belief that women do not want to date a nice guy. They would rather go through the heart ache and pain associated with losers rather than be with someone who will grow with them. Then they claim “where have all the good men gone?” LOL. All I can tell you is to hope she grows out of this relationship without too much damage. As a parent, that is all you can do!
Speaking from experience, let her live her life and it is a mistake, she has to make it. The more you tell her that he is not right for her, the more she is going to be in his arms. Be supportive, but cautious.
All you can do is let your daughter know how you feel about the situation. In the end, she is going to do what she wants. Most people don’t listen to others, they have to find out on their own. I’m sure your daughter is smart enough to make good decisions. It just sounds like this man is a crutch for her while she is lonely. I’m sure it won’t be a permanent infatuation. Give her some time and she will figure it all out on her own. Just be prepared to be there for her if something bad happens.
in my opinion, the best teacher is experience - so, your daughter could be messing up, but she ain’t gonna learn until she actually messes up. so do her a favor, wash your hands, let go and let her do her own thing. afterall, he maybe her mr. right …
Well this sounds exactly like what my daughter is doing. I chose to let her make her own decision about an older guy w/ kids. Then I found out he was in jail for doing somthing to his ex wife. I then told her I didn’t support the relationship and although I can’t make him stop seeing her, I can not allow him around my family. I fear for her, but all I offer is my love and support for her. He helped my daughter through a rough time and all I can say is that I was happy for that fact at the time. I do agree that the attachment is a rebound effect of the tough situation and unless concerns are explained and understood then,there is reallyy nothing more we can do except be ther and offer our love.